Christian Marriage, Faith

How I Transitioned from an Independent Woman to a Submitted Woman During My First Year of Marriage

How I Transitioned from an Independent Woman to a Submitted Woman During my First Year of Marriage
How I Transitioned from an Independent Woman to a Submitted Woman During the First Year of Marriage

My husband and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary on Tuesday.  This past year for me has been a transition from being a self-proclaimed Independent Woman, depending on myself; to a Submitted Woman, that depends on God.  To be completely transparent, it wasn’t easy.

I married my husband at age 30.  Most of my twenties was spent declaring my independence from men.  I was a born again believer that had accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior; however, I had not made him Lord over my way of thinking, especially about dating.  My mentality was that I wanted a man, but I felt that I didn’t need a man.  I had that mindset that I could do what I wanted because I worked hard and made my own money.  If a man didn’t like how I was, then he could be replaced by someone else that did like me.  I proudly considered myself a “self-made” woman.  In God’s eyes, I was a self-righteous woman.


Prior to getting marrying, my husband, Lawrence, was a victim of my self-righteous behavior early in my twenties.  We dated once and parted ways prior to our courtship that ultimately led to marriage.  I ended the relationship because I felt like I couldn’t love him like he wanted to be loved.  At a young age, my husband knew that he was looking for a wife to spend his life with.  I felt that I couldn’t relate to his “traditional values,” where the man is the sole provider for his family and the woman submits to her husband.  He didn’t want his wife to work so she could focus on caring for the home.  I could never see myself adapting to the lifestyle he desired so I decided not to waste his time.  Fortunately, God didn’t allow my ignorance to ruin His purpose for our lives.

How I Transitioned from an Independent Woman to a Submitted Woman During my First Year of Marriage

Fast forward 2 years, Lawrence and I reconnected.  As a result of life experiences during that time-frame, I was more open-minded as he revisited what he wanted in a wife.  This time around, I was at least willing to compromise on some things.  We got married after courting for exactly 1 year.

When my husband and I were dating, we made a decision that Jesus would be Lord of our family and that we would model our relationship and our family on biblical principles. Although we were both born again believers, we didn’t know exactly what that commitment entailed, particularly me in my role as a wife.

The Bible Speaks on Being a Wife

Can you imagine how surprised I was discovering that Lawrence’s so called “traditional values” were based on biblical principles?

The bible talks about a wife submitting to her husband in Ephesians 5: 22-24.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.   Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Another scripture on submission can be found in 1 Peter 3:5.

“In former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.”

The bible details specifically how the wife is supposed to honor and respect her husband in Ephesians 5:33.

Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].

The bible also addresses the wife’s role in the home in Titus 2:4-5.

“That they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”

The bible even discusses how God views independence in marriage in 1 Corinthians 11:11.

“Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord.”

Not What I Signed Up For!

To be honest, marriage was starting to feel like a bad deal.  I know I read the marriage certificate thoroughly and I didn’t see any fine print that said I would loose myself.  I had worked so hard to become the woman I was. Seemed like I was about to loose myself to my husband.

As I struggled in the beginning to accept the biblical principals I agreed to honor, my husband and I began to face oppositions early on.  Everyone told us to expect to be in the honeymoon phase for the first year, but we felt an eclipse of darkness instead.  It was during the opposition that I began to draw near to God.  As I spent time sitting at His feet, he began to reveal His purpose for me and our marriage.

God’s purpose for my marriage was for me to loose myself.  God began to reveal to me that I wasn’t loosing myself to my husband, I was loosing myself to God and to His purpose for my life.   I could no longer follow the world’s way of being “independent” and “self-made,” because God saw my behavior as being self righteous.

Now What?

I didn’t know the first thing about being a wife.  I come from a broken home.  My parents divorced shortly after I was born so I didn’t see an example on a daily basis.  I cried out to God and asked Him to help me be the wife He desired.  I began to receive practical leading from the Holy Spirit on what to do for Lawrence.  There were times when I would not listen to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and He would lovingly convict me.  The bible says that God will give you grace to perform what He has called you to do (I personalized 2 Timothy 1:9).

I will share the practical teaching from the Holy Spirit in another blog.  Are you struggling to submit to your Husband?  Are you facing opposition and strife in your marriage because you are having trouble changing your way of thinking from worldly principals to biblical principals? Maybe you courting a man and you can’t relate to his views on submission.  If you fit in any of these categories, let’s continue the conversation in the comments below.   If you know someone that may enjoy reading this, please share using the links below.

Grace and Peace

16 Comments on “How I Transitioned from an Independent Woman to a Submitted Woman During My First Year of Marriage

  1. Man! This blessed me. I’ll be married to my Hs sweet heart for 7 years this September and sometimes you need a reminder so you can be the wife God created you to be.

  2. I’m so proud to see women and men believing in biblical principles. God has been removed from so many things that matter that many people have lost their way. Stress, anxiety , hopelessness, lack of affection, anxiousness, assumption, greed, selfishness and many other worldly attitudes have destroyed our society view on marriage and relationships. It is refreshing to read that there are others who live by bible principles and don’t see it as old fashion but a way to survive in a confused world. Continue to be strong and courageous in the Jesus Christ.

    1. You hit the nail on the head with this! It couldn’t have been said any better! Thanks so much for your support!


  4. Love this! So much truth. The bible does talk about Biblical Wifehood! We would be wise to ditch what the culture teaches and learn what God teaches… it would stop the crazy divorce rate.

  5. This was so amazing. I can see you going far and helping so many people. Thanks for such a life breaking post.

  6. Such wisdom here! And wow – I can totally relate. Even after becoming a believer, it took me while to understand what godly womanhood looked like. I had to be humbled in many ways and thankfully my now husband was patient to teach me and watch me grow even during our courtship. Sharing this!

    1. Dani, thanks so much for your support. I am fortunate that my now husband was patient with me also. We are truly blessed!

  7. I really love how different this post is compared to how our culture views marriage and submission! It’s so refreshing to read about your transition from a more earthly view of marriage to a godly view of marriage. God has different standards for living and what I love so much about this transformation is that it truly does bring peace, joy, and happiness (the very things our culture is craving, even if we don’t realize it)! What a great post!

    1. Erin, thanks for taking time to read and comment! You are so right! The peace, joy and happiness that comes from doing “marriage God’s way” is what I was missing along!

  8. This is a WONDERFUL Blog that will help many people, not only married women. I have never been married due to many of the reasons that you stated about being a “self-made woman” and no one would tell me what to do. As I have watched you and your husband grow in the LORD it has really amazed and inspired me to humble myself MORE to GOD in order for HIM to show me my purpose in life (Married or not) before my time runs out. Thank you for sharing your life.

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